The Most Important Thing in the World Right Now.

Did you hear? Oh....my....GAWD I can't believe you didn't hear?! It's the news of the decade! TOTALLY OUT OT THE BLUE! Seriously, this is just unbelievable!

John and Kate are getting a divorce.

Yes, it's true, your favorite B-list reality TV stars are getting a divorce, leaving their eight children with a fractured family structure, thus heaving them head first into semi-normal American life. Is John really moving to New York!? Will Kate shack up with her bodyguard?! What channel is this show on again?!

Wait, that wasn't the big news story you were talking about? Oh, then it must have been Ed McMahon dying. 86 years young, the eternal sidekick of one of the greatest entertainers in the last century, Johnny Carson. Who will ever forget his introduction, "HEEEEEEEEERES JOHNNY!", or his love of giant checks. Or what about....

Nope, not that news item either, huh? How about Farrah Fawcett. What a trooper. A sad way to go too, millions had her poster on their wall growing up; she fought gallantly. An inspiration to cancer fighters everywhere. She was a little before my time, but I still respected her.

OH BALLS, you're talking about MICHAEL JACKSON aren't you!! HOW DID I MISS THAT?! Was it a natural death? Was it (gasp!) murder by his live in doctor? Will we ever know what the hell was keeping him alive, or even in one piece all this time? What an entertainer! What a showman! His talent was immense, his passion for moon walking was unmatchable, his zest for little boys, I mean the arts, was undeniable. Will he be laid to rest next to Mr. Bubbles or Walt Disney. Ok, I kid. But seriously, This might just be the biggest news story of the decade, since Princess Diana died! The news coverage, the questions, the inevitable cover up surrounding the possible causes of death. Lets keep talking about this and bleed this subject dry for the next few weeks until the autopsy reports come out. Lets wax poetic about the impact he made on society, all the good he did for pop music, and reminisce how you danced in your room to Billy Jean and imagined your floor lit up just so, and not about that nose, those accusations, that creepy ranch with giraffes and Peter Pan statues everywhere. And Blanket.

Yes, that must be what you all are a buzz about. Nothing else is dominating the headlines on ANY NEWS CHANNEL all over the world. Nothing more important could possibly be going on right now. Right?

By the way, why is there all this fuss over wearing green and voting lately. Are we electing a new St. Patricks Day head leprechaun? What's up with that. It sounds strangely familiar....kind of important or something.

Oh, and is Kim Jong-il that really good rice and chicken dish they have at Vietnamese places? It must be a part of a popular diet fad the celeb's are on now, I see that name sometimes buried below all this Michael Jackson craziness on the news. Maybe MJ died from that diet. Ya, that must be it.....

eHarmony of the soul

As I was sitting in my evidence class yesterday Erika and I got to talking, at which point she passed along this interesting story http://mosnews.com/weird/2009/06/17/virginity/. After picking my jaw up from the floor, and thanking evolution for finding a way even in the most trying of circumstances, I got to thinking about things we lose in our lives. Innocence, family members, my goddamned camera. Many of these things are relatively easy. Others, such as innocence of youth, are not, and are often lamented over (though lamenting is for those with a conscious, so I am excluded). However, it has recently come to my attention that the one thing that I am glad that can never be attained again, despite that crazy Russian bitches many, many efforts, is virginity. Let's be clear: THIS IS A GOOD THING. My Lord people, for most of us virginity marks a time in life where we lived with our parents, had limited resources of our own, and were restricted from a plethora of activities, whether by show of authority, or soul crushing drinking age limits. Furthermore, the way far too many people of this world view virginity is that it is a right of passage marking one's maturation as blah blah blah blah blah. I'll tell you now that at 26 I still don't possess the maturity needed to lose my virginity, however, I have compensated by this for the loss of yet another "essential" trait.

Before I get to exactly what that trait is, the realization of how I have compensated lead me to examine some of the greatest pairs the world has ever devised. Romeo and Juliet, the always delicious peanut butter and jelly, Israelis and Palestinians (source: wikipedia), and who could forgot Sonny Bono and that tree? In pondering such things, I realized that virginity and the following trait were a match made in heaven that, so help me God if either of them were to ever try to come back to me would not only be unwelcome, but would receive a severe bitch slap. So what is this other thing of which I speak? Dignity. The point at which I lost it is not entirely clear, but I think it was somewhere around junior year of college. Further, I have since been better off without it. College, Vegas, santa crawl, B2B, and grad school would not be the same sort of events they are if I had something telling me "this is a bad decision", "this is dangerous", "she's passed out, you really shouldn't." And if any of those events had been any less crazy or depraved, that would be regrettable. However, drinking bagged wine at 7 am, shooting a full automatic weapon while fully loaded (double entendre, HIYO!), keg stand after keg stand, and lap dances from strippers in full arm casts (no joke here; it was awesome) serve me a greater purpose than being able to claim I did the right thing. I mean, how boring would a story be if it ended with "but I didn't do it the potentially awesome thing, cause I wasn't sure how'd I feel about myself after?" 

Do I like my life as is? Absolutely. Am I a morally bankrupt person? Kind of depends on your point of view. Do I want to change? Not currently. Have I taken a liking to asking questions of myself, and then answering them a pretentious asshat? Quite clearly. In summation, I just hope that my virginity and dignity are on a wide open farm somewhere (except Iowa, I wouldn't wish that one anyone or anything) running hand in hand. Maybe at some point they can do a match.com commercial. You can have them, cause Lord knows I neither want or need them.

I've Stopped Trusting The Internet

If you're in San Francisco right now, look outside. Just do it.

/turns, faces window, sighs deeply

Do you see that? Right there. It's blue sky. Blue, cloudless, sunny sky. And it's beautiful. Normally, something like this would be rejoiced. Hallelujah! Something that actually resembles sunny, summer weather! NO WAY!

But I'm not pleased. This is a borderline catastrophe. And I blame the internet for it. "But why? The internet does not control the weather" you ask, ever so innocently. And I respond with "Yes, you're right, but it does have the uncanny ability to REPORT THE WEATHER, which it fails to do so accurately." Then a chorus of angels will appear around me with horns and banners and I will spread my message of really awful weather reporting on the internet to the masses and there will be much rejoicing, maybe some ham and whiskey too.

Earlier this week I checked out my go-to weather website, a little operation called www.weather.com. Their domain name clearly creates a sense of authority, so why wouldn't they be right? Oh, I don't know, maybe because they're really bad at what they do? That must be it. According to their website, the weather would be in the upper 60's all week, even breaching into the 70's this weekend. Huzzah! Summer has arrived I cried as I packed my heavy coats and rain boots away until Fall.

So far this week I've been rained on, almost blown off my bicycle from gale force winds and had to wear gloves at work. I am not amused weather.com, not amused at all. All I have to say to you is LIAR LIAR SERVER ON FIRE!

I'm not the only one disappointed in you Internet.

Now I don't just rely on weather.com's shoddy reporting of what to expect day to day. I've also been known to check Google weather, the National Weather Service, and of course, whatever Weather app they have for iPhones. Shockingly enough, each weather site offers a different take on how the day/week will pan out. Not a single site can agree on how I should dress on Friday.

I know the internet is a place for different opinions, views and thoughts, but shouldn't something as important as WEATHER be fairly consistent?

So help me out internets. Please pretend that reporting the weather accurately is just as important as reporting the stock market. Don't lie to me (and thousands of others) and trick me into riding home in the rain, or wearing a parka when it's 65 degrees.

You're better than that.

"Just so you know what you're getting into"

Ahhh, yes. I'm not sure Erika could have done much better in three sentences to give you all fair warning than that, so I must commend her. As an avid reader, and huge fan, of cracked.com, I too am a fan of lists. So I will follow that form here in introducing myself:

-I was flattered by Erika's invitation to partake in this blog. I think the world at large, rather than just my closest friends need to be more aware of my mindless musings, and baseless theories. Creativity is a good thing, so no matter what form it can be expressed in, it should be respected, even if not adored. 

-I currently live in San Diego. For some this is a paradise, for others it is a gateway from the third world. To me, it is somewhere in between. Like all cities San Diego has its unfailing benefits, and as well as it ungodly drawbacks. I tend to think the former generally outweighs the latter. And while I was born here, I have never referred to San Diego as "home." I was raised in the bay area, and forever identify that as my home. I tend to find more value in people than aesthetics, and in that manner Nor. Cal dominates So. Cal. 

-The reason I live in San Diego is because I am a law student here. I know, the world really needs more lawyers, blah, blah, blah. I'm in my second year. The first was by far the hardest, and most fascinating thing I have ever done and it is literally something I would never want to do again. Law school has definitely had more impact on my life perspective than I ever expected. And while ever day presents challenges, and frustrations, I can't imagine wanting to do anything else. You will find a lot of what I write on here will be in relation to the law.

-I'm an huge sports fan. Nothing makes me weep like a man more often than my teams these days: 49ers, Athletics, Sharks, Warriors. Ouch.

-I watch more television than I probably should, but there is little to no diversity in what I watch. News, Comedy Central, ESPN, and adult swim are pretty much the only things I watch. I have a near unhealthy adoration for cartoons, both past and present, on adult swim. I watch them every night, and quote them often. You will come to be well aware of this.

-My friend Anna is going to teach me guitar this summer. For as much as I love music, I can't play a lick of it (well, a little drums, but I haven't played in years).

I think I'll leave it at that for now so you all have the misguided belief that I am a semi-decent and respectable human being. Pretty sure my proclivities that tend to show otherwise will become apparent enough in time. 

And I still.....haven't found....what I'm going to write about

I suppose this could just be a standard "what I did this week" blog, or maybe even a "a funny thing happened to me on the way to work this morning" type of thing...but I'm still trying to find some inspiration.

I guess I should start by reintroducing myself. Give a little background on the fun stuff. For example, I really like lists. Not like those Facebook "25 things about me" lists, but making lists in general. Shopping lists, music lists, to-do lists (especially to-do lists), but since this is a "get to know you" entry, I guess that will be my first list. I'll keep it interesting.

~ I started this blog so I could have some sort of creative outlet. I'm also too cheap to buy a Flickr account, so this will double as both a written and pictorial account of whatever I decide to write about.

~I live in the Mission District of San Francisco. I used to live in the Marina (circa 2007), and have found that the Mission is not only more lively, colorful, and has better burritos, but it also smells like hobos and parking is a bitch.

~As a part of living in the Mission, I have recently taken up riding my bike anywhere I can. I've only been avidly riding for about a month, but I've already had my first hit and run accident! Thanks to Mr. Service Truck on Market (assist goes to the Trolly Tracks), I now have what I like to call my "VIP Pass" to all the cool tables at Zeitgeist and Gestalt. I'll post pictures of my Pass when I upload them onto the computer. I must say, the Doctors over at St. Francis did a fabulous job of stitching me up, and it will be a very badass scar.

~On that note, I'm a very clumsy person. People joke that I should wear a helmet at all times. I once ran face first into a palm tree my junior year of college, an act my friends (and fractured orbital bone) will never let me live down. There was also the broken ankle in Vegas incident, and well, too many more to list here. I guess that'll be another list.

~I'm saving up for a really sweet camera. My Mom says I'm really talented at photography, and regardless of whether or not she really means that, I'm going to pursue that as an alternative way to express myself. Hey, if I sell some prints, maybe I'll buck up and actually buy that Flickr account!

~I used to hate cats, but I'm starting to warm to them. I think it's because I was recently introduced to Manu the Cat. If you don't know what I'm talking about, please, check your local YouTube station.

~I work in the Financial District, but I dress like I work at the local coffee shop around the corner. I love no dress code.

I think that's enough from me for today. I'm going to continue to marinate on whatever it is I'm going to do with this. Also, it's time for me to shut down the office. Awesome.

PS, I've asked my good friend Sean to guest blog whenever he feels like it. I'll let him introduce himself on here, but a quick FYI, I've seen him dressed as a Priest blessing babies in Vegas. Just so you know what you're getting into.